When Someone Comes Out Of The Closet (What NOT To Say!)

All around the world people struggle with the decision to come out of the closet, and you may not know what to do when someone comes out of the closet to you. In this video, I give you 5 examples of things that you should NOT do!
If you are someone who is getting ready to come out, remember that you are perfect just the way you are. If the news is received badly, it is a “them” problem, and it has nothing to do with you!

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*Partial Transcript*
Welcome back!
So, you’re lucky enough to have a person in your life come out to you? Congratulations! That’s awesome. This is a huge moment!

But now it’s time to tread carefully, because there are a few things that you can say that can completely ruin this moment, and potentially even tarnish your relationship forever.

Before we get into them, make sure to give this video a thumbs up. And, I always aim to use laughter and sass to make the internet a safer, healthier, happier place, so if that sounds like your vibe, then you’ve found your tribe so make sure you subscribe!

Let’s jump into it. Here are things you should NOT say when someone comes out!

Coming up!

1-Don’t say “I already knew.”

I won’t say it’s the same for everyone, because we are all different people, but for most people, this moment is something that is REALLY difficult to talk about. Really often, a lot of people in the LGBTQ community spend a lot of their time before coming out trying to convince everyone around them, including themselves that they’re what society thinks is “normal.” You saying “I already knew” is a kick right in the ego.
And really, unless your name is Clay Aiken, and you have the ability to turn invisible, and walk through walls, while I was secretly kissing boys, you didn’t know. You assumed. And you know what they say about assuming.

Something about a donkey or something. Look it up.

2-This moment is 100% not about you, so no matter what, do not say “You should have told me sooner.” The coming out conversation normally only happens when the person coming out is 100% ready to tell you.
This might be a little hard to swallow, but if you feel like it took too long before you were told, it’s because it took that long for you to seem ready to hear it. It’s really that simple. People don’t stay in the closet because they’re comfortable there. They stay in the closet because it seems safer.
Think of it this way. You know in horror movies when someone hides in a closet, and they can see through the little slats in the doors? OK, well being in the closet is kind of like that. We don’t want to be in there, but until you can prove that you’re not the guy with chainsaw, we can’t come out, so we’re stuck inside getting small glimpses of what’s going on around us, and trying to make our decision about whether or not we’ll be cut to pieces if we open the door.

This isn’t the time to tell us we should have come out sooner, because in the movie of our lives it took until the third act before you proved that you’re actually here to help, and you don’t want to see what my skull looks like. It’s 50% me being ready and 50% you being ready.

3-Never ever ever say “Are you sure?” This isn’t something were we think to ourselves “I wonder what I could do to join a group of people who are targeted in hate crimes around the world, and potentially put my life in danger just for being in love?” Yes, we’re sure. The only thing we aren’t sure about is whether or not it’s a good idea to tell people. It’s not a phase, it’s not changing. This is how it is.
Am I sure that I enjoyed having Ryan Reynolds make a cameo or two in some very naughty dreams? Yeah. I’m sure.


  1. I hope you enjoyed the video! If you did, please drop a like. Also, in order to monetize my content, I will need to reach 1000 subscribers, so if you're new, or haven't subscribed yet, please do so! If you know someone who might enjoy this video, please share it with them.

    Have you had any "Coming Out" experiences? Let me know how they went in the comments!

    What would you like to see next? Let me know!

  2. comes out …*dad stared into sink for a minute* feel I went someone where wrong … me, tosses out fifteen jokes, nips that shit in the bud I walketh out and now we're good… I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GET KICKED BEFORE I SAID ANYTHING, SO LIKE THAT WAS WAY BETTER THAN EXPECTED, MISSISSIPPI PAN REPRESENT

  3. I understand that its not my place to tell others of this individuals situation. I'm currently in college and this guy after 2 days tells me he wants to be a woman. Which is fine I couldn't care less. However, I've been put in a really akward situation. It's not like I wanted them to come out to me, but now that they have, I feel like I'm being weighed down with a massive secret, I'm having to pick my words so carefully and avoid bringing them up in any conversation. It's really stressing me out. I wish he would just tell someone else to relieve the pressure slightly. Any advise?

  4. My best friend is bi so I came out to her first because she would understand (we weren't as close at the time) and it went great! Nobody else knew for months but the worst thing was when people called me straight and she'd look at me and smile.

    Also almost everyone I come out to says 'I knew' or 'everyone knows though'.

  5. My best friend growing up came out to me… I did ask him "Are you sure" because our other best friend and her family had bugged him to come out SO MUCH that I questioned if he was peer pressured into doing it… such an odd reaction on my part. Otherwise, I was very fearful of how we was going to be treated as small town north Alberta in the late 90's was not a safe place to be out and proud for a teen but I didn't share that with him. Eventually he and I moved to Calgary and where there's a much stronger community of loving open minded people and everything has been great, grand, and wonderful!

  6. I'm trying to remember what I said when my best friend came out to me. I'm really worried that I may have done EVERYTHING wrong, because I was an idiot. The fact that I have difficulty remembering is probably an indicator of how much of an idiot I was/am. Love the new format, by the way & I LOVE YOU.

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