Hey guys – I’ve been dealing with some performance anxiety over the last few months, though it’s been a recurring thing for a while. I’m around 30, in pretty decent shape, for reference. Basically, I’m generally very hard until it’s time for me to top a guy, and then I start to lose it. As that happens, I get in my head about it, which just makes it all worse. I’m seeing a guy right now who is absolutely amazing, and we are sexually very compatible. He’s been so cool and calm every time it’s happened (we still haven’t had penetrative sex yet 🙁 ) but it bums me out and I know in the moment, he’s let down too. What I’ve tried:
– I’ve talked to my PCP about it: she said it’s almost certainly mental since I can get hard but then struggle to stay hard in certain moments. She offered to prescribe Viagra but noted it only helps physical causes of ED, not psychological. This is the one thing I have yet to try.
– Cut back on jerking off and porn
– Hooking up completely sober
– Taking L-Arginine and Pycnogenol twice daily, but again, if there is benefit to these, it’s for physical causes, not mental.
Nothing seems to work. I’m with a guy who is super cool and understanding so I’m able to talk with him about it. I’m curious to to hear from other tops, or bottoms who have dealt with this on the other side, if you have any tips/tricks for getting out of your head and getting past this. As it’s happened repeatedly, in the moment, I fear it’s always going to happen which almost guarantees that it will. So, any advice other than ‘get out of your own head’?