No anal unless he rims me first – unrealistic?

Question for all the tops and bottoms –

I’m a bottom with a low sex drive and some anxiety issues. Got myself a regular now with potential for boyfriend status. We haven’t discussed anal yet but stereotypically he seems like a top – he’s taller, heavier, slightly older, more sexually aggressive, and has a huge dick.

Due to my anxiety, having a super tight hole and having had some terrible sex in the past, I haven’t bottomed or played with myself in about five months. Last time I bottomed, it was fantastic, but I wanted something deeper while my friend just wanted fun because he was emotionally unavailable, so I cut him loose. The thing that made our sex worthwhile – he rimmed my tight ass to oblivion for a good 15 minutes before pounding. I was super horny and realized I actually enjoy getting rimmed even more than getting fucked!

At that point I decided I would only ever bottom again, whether with my guy or anybody, is if he was willing to give my ass a good licking. Otherwise, we stick to oral and masturbation. I guess the question is – does that sound like a realistic compromise? All I keep reading is how the bottom should please his top, that there are 5,000 bottoms for every top and we shouldn’t ever be selfish, while being a selfish top is hot af. Somebody, please let me know if I risk being lonely forever. As I mentioned, my sex drive is low, I’ve never had trouble securing a hung top and they always seem much more eager to fuck than I am. It just goes against everything I read.


  1. Absolutely bring it up for discussion. I don’t know about the whole “selfish bottom” thing, but I think unselfishness is a good marker for a successful relationship. Both parties should get to the point where they trust the other to sway a bit and take care of each other’s needs.

    So yeah, let him know that you really enjoy rimming and ask if he’d be willing to. My guess is that he is. I’m sure he wants you to enjoy sex too, and if it takes rimming before penetration then I think most people are willing to accommodate. And my guess is that, as you spend more time with him and sex becomes more and more intimate, you’ll start finding it easier to relax with or without rimming.

    I think most things can be solved with communication! If he’s against the idea then you can find something else that helps you relax and work on that. He can’t expect you to do something you’re uncomfortable with, and you can’t expect yourself to do it either for the sake of being selfless. Work with him to find what works, because that’ll make it better for both of you!

  2. Unrealistic depending on his experience. Of you are bring ing a new top into the world he is gonna need sometime. But a self proclaimed power/husband top? I think should be required to learn how to eat ass. Depending on the size it should be required.

  3. I don’t see a problem with it. For me that isn’t so much a “do this or I won’t do that” than it is a “I really need this to relax before that can happen.”

    It’s totally fine to want a compatible partner. If you’re mostly a bottom, you’ll want to find a mostly top. If you’re more vers, find that kind of top and so on. This is just more along those lines.

    And frankly, I think rimming is expected in any relationship with anal or even oral in most cases these days. If he won’t, he’s likely in a minority and it’s his duty to let you know that early on.

  4. Top here, I won’t be with a bottom unless I can rim him. As long as it’s shower fresh I’ll eat the booty like groceries.

  5. Dude, hard rules are not good in any relationship. Talk with him about it, ask him to do it, be willing to be flexible, and work out with him your roles and boundaries. You might be pleasantly surprised by what he does, whether it’s rimming or not. Then decide.

  6. Nothing unrealistic about needing a bit of foreplay. Plus rimming is fun on both ends 😛

    Just make sure your partner knows the deal and I think you’ll be fine

  7. The majority of tops I’ve been with are into rimming, at least a little. I’ve never asked for it and don’t expect it, but some dudes just stick a napkin in their collar and chow down. One guy didn’t even want to fuck me, but after an hour of him tongue teasing my asshole, I begged for his dick.

    In your situation, I think you just need to communicate what you want with your potential partner. It’s not like you are asking for something outrageous. If he is boyfriend material, he will at least make a compromise that suits you both.

  8. I’m the type of top who simply doesn’t like eating ass. Not because I don’t like to reciprocate pleasure, but just because it doesn’t seem attractive to me even if it drives my partner crazy with pleasure. Being told I have to do something in order to sleep with you kinda turns me off as I don’t like sex to be conditional. If you were to tell him that getting rimmed is something that’s guaranteed to help you take a good pounding to increase your libido, then by all means tell him that.

  9. Bottoms deserve equal rights on pleasure. Everyone shall cum!

    You know what you want so just say it. You deserve it.

  10. I’m a strict top. Rimming is for special occasions only in my relationship. Especially because we usually have sex every morning because of our schedules, so obviously there is not the hygiene required in the morning.

    If my boyfriend told me he would only bottom if i ate his ass first i’d laugh and say fine and tell him to suck my dick. He’d cave within a week i garuntee. He’s hurting himself more than he’s hurting me.

  11. You need to be able to express yourself in your relationship. If you tell him about your pass experience and what makes you comfortable he should be able to do those things, until you feel more comfortable with bottoming. It is your partners job to make you better.

  12. Nah, you’re on the right track. Rimming comes standard – tops should be rimming your hole and making ya feel relaxed first. That’s part of the job – it’s what good tops do.

  13. Rimming is good but after 5 or 10 minutes or that I want the cock in there. I’m an anal whore tho, for me it’s no oral unless I get my ass fucked too lol. As for rimming it doesn’t matter that much to me, I mostly like the fucking part, that’s what gets me off.

    So, if a guy is only into oral and not anal then forget it with me, if they don’t care about oral but like anal then that’s ok tho.

  14. I wouldn’t make it a requirement but getting rimmed/rimming is definitely a big one that no one should have an issue with. it doesn’t sound like you know if he’s against rimming I don’t think it’s a stereotype for tops to not want to rim, I’ve never ran into a top who didn’t want to rim.

    you may have to compromise on the frequency but as long as you take it slow and he opens you up properly you should be able to take it. Alot of it is mental and if you go into the mindset that you won’t be able to take it chances are your body won’t be able to take itm I would let him know that getting rimmed really gets you in the mood and it will definitely help with his taking his bigger dick.

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